Chapter 14 : Attachment

What is your attachment style? How do you think it affects your relationships?

Attachment Styles and Close Relationship
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All people form attachments to others, yet these attachments have now been grouped into 3 main categories; avoidant, anxious and secure (Santrock, 2019). These attachment styles were recorded by Ainsworth in her studies of infants and toddlers with their parents (Santrock, 2019). However, longitudinal studies have been done and prove that our attachment styles with our parents largely determine our future attachment styles with our romantic partners (Santrock, 2019, p. 435). In fact, our relationships to our parents are similar to those of our lovers in that both relationships (hopefully) provide a solid foundation of support and trust, becoming our reference point in the world (Santrock, 2019).

According to the survey, my attachment style is the "secure" attachement style. This means that I am easy to connect to emotionally and that I enjoy the trust and stability of a committed relationship without spending too much time worrying about whether or not it will last.

I am not sure that I agree entirely with the idea of attachment theory, the idea that we have one default attachment style (Santrock, 2019). I feel as if I engage with my parents and my twin sister in a very secure way. I also engage with friends in a secure way. I feel as if I often end up in relationship dynamics in which I present as avoidant and the other person presents as anxious, meaning that I am hesitant about fully committing to a romantic partner, and my partners tend to worry about my level of commitment, and often express wanting more reassurance of stability. I do not take commitment lightly, partly because I am incredibly loyal and unwavering once I commit.

Santrock, J. W. (2019). Lifespan development (17th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.